


In For a Pound

by TGP



Series: Eyesight [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Genderqueer!Harry, Guilt, Harry has thoughts on gender, Masturbation, One-Sided Attraction, Polyjuice Potion, and thoughts on romance, just a lot of thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:13:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22442362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TGP/pseuds/TGP
Summary: He didn't mean to go this far, but... in for a penny, right?
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ron Weasley
Series: Eyesight [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/160208
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	In For a Pound

**Author's Note:**

> Year: Summer, 1995

Harry knows it's wrong the moment he nicks a hair from Ron's comb right before the train ride back to London. It's no less wrong when he steals away to Diagon Alley for the more common ingredients, to add to the ones he gets from Snape's stores. It's easier to concentrate on the complex brewing than on Cedric Diggory so anytime he thinks about backing down, he remembers why he needs the distraction in the first place. Brewing the potion does give him plenty of time to back out of this stupid, crazy experiment though and yet in the end, he's left with several doses of polyjuice potion at his disposal.

He only took one hair because it's bad enough he's doing this at all, much less planning for several tries. If Ron knew... Well. It's just, Harry wouldn't want to be any of the other boys for the duration of the potion. He doesn't even really want to be _Ron_ , but of the choices...

He's stalling. Harry takes a deep breath and adds the hair. The potion hisses and turns a deep, bloody red, all thick and rolling in his cup. It smells almost sweet but there's a bitter undertone that nearly keeps him from drinking it. But... He'd gone this far. It'd be stupid not to just do it and it's not like Ron gets _hurt_. He doesn't ever have to _know_.

The sweet and bitter come through in the taste and it's not the best thing he's ever tasted but leagues ahead of that time in second year. His insides squirm almost immediately as his body shifts and morphs, pulling and contracting in all sorts of terrible ways. Skin boils and melts and reforms, bones crack and stretch. He regrets ever doing this again the moment it starts.

The transformation feels so much longer than it actually takes and at the end of it, Harry's panting on the floor. He stares up at the ceiling, body shivering in place like he might shake apart. Why had he done it? Why was it so _important_ that he'd risk his friendship for this? Thoughts swirl and twist in his head even as he starts to pull himself off the floor. His clothes are too tight overall. Ron's a lot taller and broader in the shoulder, even if Harry's thicker at the hip. Tugging off his shirt, Harry stops still as he looks down at his perfectly flat chest. He's fairly flat normally, only small lumps that barely even begin to be recognizably breasts, but Ron's an actual boy. Harry runs his fingers along the flat planes of his chest, feeling out Ron's hard won musculature with guilt even as he marvels at the sight. His gaze drifts down along Ron's stomach, following with his fingers. It doesn't feel like someone else's body and if he doesn't look at a mirror, he can almost imagine it's really himself.

It's not that Harry hates his body but maybe sometimes he wishes it was different. Except he's not even sure if that would be right. He spends a lot of time _not_ thinking about the flesh he's in. 

There's a certain amount of respect Harry should show this body. It's a respect he hadn't had to think about before because there'd been a mission to accomplish and a mystery to solve and also he was _twelve_. Harry's not twelve anymore and there are no lives hanging in the balance. His hands pause right at the edge of his pants. There's freckles all over his skin but a particular concentration marks the edge of one hip and Harry rubs his thumb across the brown spots as he tries to decide if he really wants to do this. If he really wants to see. Harry swallows down a growing lump in his throat.

He's gone this far already.

Flicking open the fly of his jeans, he tugs down the zipper and hesitates again. Checking to make sure the bedroom door is locked takes a second and then he's back to staring down at his open pants. He should stop. He eases his jeans off instead and stands dumbly in only his underwear.

This is so _stupid_.

He shouldn't. Ron would be so incredibly angry with him and they'd just gotten back to being friends again after the sheets thing and Hermione would just be _disappointed_ which might possibly be worse but...

His thumbs hook over the sides of his underwear and he jerks it down his hips in one sharp, definitive motion, stepping out of them after because otherwise he'll lose his nerve. It still takes him several minutes before he manages to look.

Harry's seen penises before. He lives in a boys' dorm and plays sports with boys, nakedness _happens_. And while none of them much noticed _his_ body, he'd noticed theirs. He knows penises come in different shapes and sizes and such, has even seen Ron's before, but this is so much different.

He's never seen one attached to _him_.

Harry sits on the edge of his bed and stares down at it. Looks no weirder than before and yet so very alien. His fingers twitch in the sheets and then he reaches between his legs to run his fingers over it. The sudden burst of sensation when he reaches the top has him twitching his hand away quickly. Harry's not a complete novice when it comes to sexual touching but he's never touched a penis before, only his own sex. It takes a moment before he tries again and just explores the foreign flesh with his fingertips. Heat floods his face as he curls his hand around it fully and gives it a wank.

It feels weird.

It feels _good_.

He licks his lips and does it again, does it as flesh heats and hardens and skin stretches back from the smoother head. His breathing goes uneven when he touches there. It's a sharper, more sudden feeling than when he touches himself normally. His own sex takes a bit to warm up normally but he's pretty sure he could come in minutes like this.

Is he really-

Yeah. Yeah, he is really going through with it.

Harry firms his grip around Ron's dick and strokes with purpose. He hadn't thought it'd feel this different (hadn't thought he'd _do_ this _)_ but it is and it's good and he knows he's going to want this again even if it is horribly wrong without Ron's permission. Like he's touching Ron instead and then he can picture it. Can see himself with Ron in the dorm, behind the curtains of one bed. Can feel himself stroking Ron's dick and Ron's fingers sliding into him and kissing and-

It isn't the first time Harry's thought about what it might be to date Ron but it's not usually so physical a thought.

Now though, he can't stop himself from closing his eyes and imagining it's Ron's hand on him, jerking him closer and closer to the edge with every movement. He wonders how it feels like to be kissed by Ron but that's getting somehow too intimate despite the other things Harry's thinking and doing. Stubbornly, Harry forces himself to just think of Ron's big, wide hands. The way he'd envelope him. Is this what it feels like when Ron jerks himself late in the night? He's quiet, quieter than Seamus that's for sure, but Harry knows it happens. He's heard it before on nights he couldn't sleep and he's even slid fingers into himself silently in his own bed as Ron brought himself to climax. It isn't _that_ weird, wanking when a roommate's wanking. Seamus did it almost every night; they were bound to have someone else doing it at the same time.

The tip is so wet as Harry's thumb rubs against it and he bites his lip hard. No wonder boys do it so often if wanking feels this good this quickly. The amount of time it can take him to get warmed up... Well. It's long enough t not be worth it much of the time. Maybe it'd be different if Ron tried-

With a jerk and sudden burst of heat, Harry's coming over his fingers and barely manages to hold back any sound from escaping, lest he wake any of the Dursleys. His hand keeps moving until it hurts to and then he flops back on his bed panting. That was... That was intense. He hadn't thought it'd feel so much different but just as quickly he can feel the pleasure leaching away. There's a pleasant hum in his body but not like the sometimes minutes of climax he feels in his usual body. Quick to build, quick to release apparently. He's not disappointed though.

Harry gets a tissue to wipe his hand off with and then feels the potion wearing off. He hadn't figured it'd be long considering how shit he is in Potions but at least it hadn't been earlier. The transformation goes faster returning to himself but it's still as uncomfortable. Harry climbs into bed after, not even bothering to pull his pajamas on. Hints of afterglow stick around enough that he keeps thinking of things he ought not think about.

Ron's his best friend and Harry's not about to give that up just because he might sometimes want to feel like a real boy or might sometimes wish Ron would hold him. Not that that would ever come to anything considering Harry's pretty sure Ron's got better taste than Harry's underdeveloped body, but... He can think about it, a little. Better than the lingering attraction he has for Cho Chang because she is so off limits now it's not even funny.

Ron is too, but... It's okay, as long as Ron never finds out. Harry can keep this to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of thoughts about gender and bodies, being a transdude. Harry's experience isn't quite the same in that he doesn't identify as a guy so much as not a girl, but it's similar enough that it's kind of cathartic for me to write about. 
> 
> The differences between male and female orgasm are mostly gleaned from my experiences and talking to cis friends. Please do not take this as rote. Everyone's got their own way of getting off or not, as they fancy.


End file.
